I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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