my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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