Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
