You made me cry and you don't even care
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
