I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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