Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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