ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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