I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
