How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
