Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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