How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
