Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
