FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
