You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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