I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
