Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
