i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize