also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
