the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
