A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
