My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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