Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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