just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I love having hate sex.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
