There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm too high and old for this...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
