every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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