u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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