my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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