we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
