Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
