Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
