so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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