can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
