Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
