there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
