if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
