last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
