He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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