we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize