Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
