Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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