The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
