Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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