pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
