don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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