Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
