Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
