Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
