So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
