we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
