remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
