UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I skipped work to stalk him.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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