Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
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