I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
