you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
