i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
