And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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