I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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