At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
