Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize