yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
