If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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