I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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