tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
