Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
