We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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