Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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