you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
